Three Variables Inherent in the Journey - Paragraph 4
We’ve now come upon Roberts’ second variable in the journey, that of the “ever-changing self.” Here’s our text:
“The second variable of the journey is our ever-changing self, the recipient of revelation. Because self, with its ever changing thoughts, feelings and experiences is such an obvious fact, we need not spend time pointing out the dynamics of its variable nature. We change day to day, year to year, hopefully, always growing both intellectually, psychologically, and, by the grace of God, spiritually. The good news, perhaps, is that God does not wait for any of this. He does not wait until we have mastered the ABC’s, have a college degree, or managed to keep ourselves quiet for more than a minute. None of this means anything to God. Whatever God’s chosen moment, His revelation has nothing to do with our developmental state or anything going on in our lives. God waits for no one, and by the same token, no one should wait for God, but do their best at all times, for no one knows the day or the hour.”
Roberts first variable is God’s progressive revelation. Now she moves to the second variable of “our ever-changing self.” Honestly, in earlier years, I had not really given much thought to this idea of a changing self. Yes there was, what I might call, a superficial awareness that change was happening, that today I am different than yesterday. As a simple example, this superficial awareness was true with the physical body. Yesterday’s child-body is now replaced with an adult one. It’s also true of the inner world including my psyche, emotions, and spiritual aspects. Over the years there has been some awareness that adult-like capabilities had replaced the childlike ones.
In thinking about change another point comes to mind and that is that there are also many aspects of ourselves that don’t change over time. Over the years I’ve noticed my rigidity, an entrenchment in what I believe to be true. Another way to express this sentiment is that I have come to realize that I have a certain attachment to an identification of myself. You know what I speak of, that self that responds and/or reacts the same way over and over again. I now understand that those rigid ways of being may have served me in the past but no longer serve the loving adult I wish to be today. In order to drop these identifications an honest introspective work is needed. Questions like, “why do I keep falling into the same hole or why do these patterns of fear, anger, or shame continue to grip me?” need to be compassionately wrestled with.
It is only in more recent years that a phrase like “ever-changing self” has really taken on a whole new level of meaning. I guess that is why I found it interesting when Roberts decided to “not spend time pointing out the dynamics” of this changeling, particularly given it is the whole of the second variable. She seems to gloss over in a sentence what has taken me years to come to grips with. And for myself it has only been this introspective work that has helped me recognize those habits of mind and emotion that keep me trapped and apart from the Mystery. The need for self regulation on the spiritual journey is enormous and it is somewhat discouraging for Roberts to overshadow this important work in lieu of the end result of revelation.
Perhaps Roberts is thinking about all this differently than I am. She says in the above text that the “good news…is that God does not wait” and previously that revelations may come to anyone. On the other hand she also says in an earlier section that the internal state of people receiving messages matters as it can impact the quality of the message. Perhaps the tension here is that Roberts believes both statements: God waits for no one AND there needs to be integration. She has said earlier “it is the constant need to integrate and accommodate progressive revelations that constitutes the essence of the spiritual journey.” And we’ve seen so far that her thrust in this essay is that realized revelations are the inducement for change, even wisdom.
I like this idea of both / and. We live in a world that is often either / or. I find the both / and a refreshing paradox. I believe the take away for me today is that If I am to receive a revelation I need to also develop some capacity to bear it via integrating previous revealtions. If indeed this self-donating Mystery is always active, always inviting me, then any lack of awareness towards that invitation is on my end. So today it is both / and, it is both resting in and receiving this self-donating Love AND watching for places in me that resist that very same Love. Here’s to the paradox.
